Anyone who knows me well knows that there was a time recently when I thought I would never have this. This being a loving husband, a house of our own and a child. I had begun to think that these "things" were not going to come my way and I would have to accept that and move on. But God has plans for me that I just don't know and I can't predict and this is so true now that I look down at my sleeping baby next to me.
I couldn't have prepared for motherhood, and at the same time, all of my life up until now has prepared me for this experience. The biggest lesson that having Hank has taught me was to just be. Be in whatever circumstance you are in when it comes your way. At first when Hank was born I was worried about loosing him. The thought of something bad happening to him petrified me. That soon melted away and I begun to feel sad about how trapped I was. No longer could I just do what I wanted to do. Now my life was about someone else. It wasn't until I accepted that fact that I was able to be free. And freedom came because I realized that I made the choice to get pregnant and have him. I had planned and hoped and dreamed about him, now here he is. It's my job to care for him and raise him. How lucky am I?
After acceptance came joy. Joy that I'm blessed with a healthy little boy who I get to share life with. And my actions changed too. I've since found ways to get out of the house with him, to do household chores and some days, just to shower. Whatever the day, whatever the activity I know it is going to be great because I get to share it with my little Hank.